Princesses Don't Play Nice Read online

  "What are these?" she asked, tracing a finger along a series of thin, spidery letters. Many of the northern cities on the map had names written in both that script and the blocky letters of the common alphabet.

  "Palachkit cursive," answered Selvi. The half-orc grinned toothily but otherwise did not call her out for her ignorance. "It's still used in parts of the khanate, though most Palachkit-folk moved south in my great-grandfather's time."

  "And conquered all the poor people of the northern kingdoms." Isabel sniffed. "It's been a terrible time in some cities, suffering under Palachkit overlords."

  The khan's daughter shrugged. "No skin off my nose. It's not like they killed all the locals when they moved in or nothing."

  "There were wars," countered Isabel. "People died."

  "And there'll be wars again," said Selvi. "Fightin's about the only thing that's constant around here. Someone's always fightin' something, and often for stupid reasons."

  "Your people drove the Palachkit south! Don't you feel the least bit responsible?"

  Another shrug rolled off those armored shoulders. "From what I heard, the Palachkit moved south on their own, 'cause they didn't want to live under anyone's law but their own. Goody on them. We still gotta decide where we're gonna go, though."

  Princess Bianca had one tiny hand up in the air and waving frantically. "Um... Is Ranshangban anywhere on this map?"

  "Definitely not," said Gwen. She knew that much about western geography. "That's far to the south, past the desert lands, even."

  "Past the desert, huh..." The little witch clambered up onto the table to get a better view. "Well, darnit. That's what I wanted to tell you all about earlier. I finally deciphered that note I grabbed back at school."

  "The one you took from Mistress Penskill's personal folder?" Cassie asked. The moon princess still wasn't too happy to have been a part of that little incident. "I thought you said you couldn't read the second page?"

  "What do you think I've been up to these past few days?" said the witch. "Well, aside from identifying magic items and researching ways to reverse a shrinking spell, I've been working through that stupid scrap of paper. It took a while to get through those old Pagosian runes the old bat prefers, and a while more to find a good Gnomon dictionary, but I finally figured out what it said. Or at least one part of it..." she mumbled off at the end. "Ahem, yeah. There was one paragraph that was really clear, and it was a question -- to Lady Amberyll, I guess -- suggesting that I should be allowed to visit my father to see if I could learn anything from his style of magic."

  "Your father?" asked Flora.

  "I didn't know wi... your people had fathers," said Cassie. "You all seem to be girls." The cleric blushed with embarrassment.

  "Oh, we got fathers," said Bianca. "We just don't have much to do with them. Our moms pick guys with good magic backgrounds,have us, and then they're gone. So I don't know how Old Penskill knows something when I don't, and I don't know why she thinks visiting him is such a good idea, either. But I want to find out," she finished. Her mouth was twisted up into a good scowl, while behind her Jinkies had left off his mid-day grooming to give the other princesses a stare of his own.

  "Ranshangban, huh?" Cassie considered. "Heard lots of stories about it. Supposed to be full of awesome magical stuff. That sounds like a cool place to visit!" The moon princess bounced in her seat and looked around excitedly. "Well? What do you all think?"

  Gwen and Selvi shared a look. "Could be fun..." the ranger began.

  "... and it's about as far from school as we can get," finished the khan's daughter.

  "I'm in," said Flora. "I mean, yeah, it's a long way, but we're on an adventure, right? We should see the sights and hear the music." She patted her lute thoughtfully.

  "Okay!" Bianca squeaked. "It's settled! Now we just have to find a boat going south, and..."

  "I must protest!" From her forgotten corner of the table, Isabel fumed.

  "Oh, must you?" groaned Selvi.

  "Yes! I came here to find my dear cousin and bring her to a place of safety, and I am not about to let her hare off into danger again!"

  "It's okay, Izzy," Cassandrella attempted to soothe her cousin. "We've already had some adventures, and we all came out all right. Well, mostly," she added, looking at Bianca. "You don't have to..."

  The paladin's fist rattled the tea saucers as Isabel slammed it against the tabletop. "No! I have a mission, Cassie! Prior Matthias received word of your plight, and ordered me personally to take you to safety!"

  Gwen had her best diplomatic face on, the one she'd regularly used to deal with some of her more temperamental cousins at court. "Look," she began in a calm and low voice, "we've just met, and I know it may sound crazy, but we can take care of ourselves. We have so far, and that includes Cassie. In fact, I think she's done better than most of us."

  "Helped me out in a pinch or three!" Selvi loudly proclaimed.

  "Yeah, we need her, and she needs us!" Bianca squeaked. Her familiar mewed in agreement before returning to his bathing.

  The paladin's face grew progressively more sour as around the table her cousin's merits were endorsed again and again. "Alright, alright," she grumbled. "You've made your point. Perhaps the reports were overstated..."

  "And we would love to hear where you got them from," Gwen added. Cassie nodded in agreement. If her mother heard those same reports, coming after that letter home... The moon princess did not want to consider the consequences.

  "But that does not," the paladin insisted as she pressed on, "absolve me of my duties." Izzy's arms locked across her chest, and her mouth formed a most princess-like pout. Everyone else around the table could recognize it instinctively, and a collective groan was felt more than heard.

  "Seriously," Shelby was saying. "What's your malfunction here? We're trying to get going, and you stall things over and over."

  "You may be going, but it's the wrong way!" whined Natalie. The new girl had a pout to match her princess's. "Isabel is stationed in Nordiv, which is... er..." She searched the map. "Here!" She tapped the spot with a finger. "And from there it's a quick boat ride across the sea to where Cassie and her are from. Er..."

  "Selunika and Solastria," Uncle provided.

  "Yeah, there! Isabel is a princess with a mission, so let's get that done and then do more fun stuff."

  Shelby turned her glare towards Uncle. He was prepared this time, and didn't even flinch. "Are we really supposed to go along with this?" the girl demanded.

  "It's your choice, ladies. Really." Well, in truth it'd definitely be easier if they went with Isabel, and the character could integrate a bit better with the group, too. He had contingency plans set up, however, and there was a flowchart pinned to his screen with a major fork right at the start.

  "Awright, then. Let's have a vote!" Shelby declared, thumping the table with her palm. "All in favor of heading south to that magic city, raise your hand... Good," she said as she counted. "And opposed... just Natalie. Sorry, Nat. We're not riding your railroad."

  Uncle spoke up before the new girl could explode in a fit. "Yanno, as I recall, the mission oath your brother and I agreed on was simply to protect Princess Cassandrella. There's a lot of ways to do that."

  "Yeah, but..." But she'd already made up a narrative in her head, he could tell, and she didn't want to abandon it yet. Especially not for something that took the spotlight away from her in any way.

  "So let's give this a try!" he announced with a clap. "Isabel has reluctantly agreed to accompany the rest of you south, after properly reporting to the Temple via magic hat. She, Selvi, and Gwen all have horses now, while Cassie rides behind someone and Flora travels as a deer half the time." That detail got him a gap-toothed smile from Cynthia. "Bianca, of course, gets to ride on her broom with Jinkies. You're all going down this road..." He traced his finger along the map, starting from the dot labeled 'Carpazha' and ending at one labeled 'Namilda'. East of the route was the coastline, and west of it was a huge, bro
wnish zone labeled 'moorlands'.

  The girls' eyes all followed his digit, with so much attention being spent that they didn't even notice his other hand move until the dice rattled behind his screen.

  "What was that?" asked Helen.

  "Just a little something called the random encounter table," Uncle said innocently. None of them bought his act. "Okay, um, you're about two days south of the city when you run into something." He rolled again, checked the number against his flowchart, and then handed a note to Cynthia. "If you'd do the honor of having Flora introduce this one?"

  "Ahem..." The pony-tailed girl read the prompt twice, which was the bare minimum for understanding Uncle's messy scrawl, thought for a moment, then began. "So, Flora's scouting ahead a bit..."

  Of the various powers made available to her by her druidic heritage, Flora enjoyed the wildness of transformation the most. There was something indescribable about leaving your human form behind, if only for a little while, and coursing through the forest as a wolf or a deer. Though she'd only come into it recently, as the power in her blood quickened and rose to the challenge of a life of adventure, she'd already come to love the hours spent scouting in the forest.

  In the branches above her, Mr. Chitters rattled off a warning. Flora slid to a halt, her dainty hooves sending a few loose pebbles rattling as she arrived at a clear space. The forest came to an end right there, with a few dozen yards between the scraggiest brush oaks and the rippling of the river. It was the height of summer now, and the waters were low, but fast where they rushed between many boulders. Still, it would not be difficult to go from rock to rock and cross the way.

  Mr. Chitters called out again. What was he on about? she wondered. She stood stock-still, taking advantage of the wide angle of vision her deer eyes afforded her, while her fuzzy ears flicked back and forth. These enhanced senses had taken some time and practice to get used to, so differently did they operate from her own. Vision in particular was tricky, because deer simply did not move their eyes the way people did. At a glance, she could take in almost everything around her, but her depth perception was abysmal. Only in a narrow zone where her eyes overlapped could she actually tell distance in a way that made sense, so while her eyes said something was down there, it took a few vital seconds to understand what, not to mention how far away.

  Grumbling in her head, she quickly shifted back to human form to better take advantage of binocular vision. That was when the vague forms among the rocks came into sharp focus. It was also when the trio of oversized lizard-things noticed her. Raising their heads from their basking positions, they expanded bright red neck frills and hissed. Overhead, there was a rumble as thick clouds suddenly rolled in.

  Selvi pushed her horse into a gallop as screams rang through the trees. Damnit, what had the druid wandered into this time? Flora'd made a habit of dancing ahead of the traveling part in the form of a deer or wolf, but that was the princess's own voice yelling bloody murder right now, only to be drowned out by the crack of lightning. The barbarian eyed the clouds as they streamed unnaturally across the previously blue sky. Whatever Flora had stirred up, it meant business.

  Well, so did Selvi. When her horse balked at the noise and light, she dismounted and ran as fast as she could through the undergrowth. Behind her sh could hear the graceful step of Gwen's feet on dry leaves, along with the heavy thump of Isabel's boots.

  Then the forest gave way to grass and river pebbles, and they were all clattering noisy as an orcish victory parade. There were definitely better ways to make an entrance, she grumbled to herself as the source of the commotion turned their heads and stared unblinking at the new arrivals.

  Lizards. Why'd it always have to be lizards, as the old captain of her father's honor guard would say. To hear the veteran orc tell it, the greater half of all monsters roaming the khanate and the wilds of the far continent were reptilian. The things before her now were a perfect example: each as tall as a pony at the shoulder, almost four yards long from snout to tail-tip, scaled and frilled.

  In the sudden cloudy gloom, the flaps of scaly skin around the lizards' necks glowed pale red, with brighter veins of yellow pulsing faster and faster. A faint crackling could be heard, to be answered by a rumbling up above. Selvi felt the ends of her hair begin to stand on end.

  "I'm gonna cast a spell!" shouted Natalie. The girl was waving a red-marked magic card. "Resistance to elements! That works for electricity, right?"

  "That it does," Uncle confirmed.

  Cynthia had her hand up now as well, but her face wasn't nearly as exuberant. If anything, it looked like she'd just sucked an entire lemon-flavored black hole. "That's a level-2 spell, ain't it? Is she supposed to have one of those already?"

  "Yeah," huffed Shelby. "Thought paladins didn't get spells till later than some other types. So how's she got something like that? Er..." The girl slowed down as she noticed the amused look on Uncle's face.

  "Been reading, have you?" he asked the two of them. "And here I thought you weren't so interested in the game details."

  Shelby muttered something that he couldn't quite make out, but he answered anyway. "As it turns out, you're right. Isabel would not normally have that spell, except that she gets it as part of the celestial heritage package at level five, and even then she shouldn't have a spell slot for it yet. That is why she chose as her heirloom the Headband of Precocity, which gives her that spell slot at one use per day. Also, I am being very nice in letting her get it at all," he added as a reminder to the paladin's player. "Now, any other questions before we continue?" An uneasy silence answered him. "Okay, so Isabel's casting a spell to resist electricity, Flora's already called up a patch of tanglegrass to hold off the thunder lizards, and...?"

  "Gwen is going to stick to the trees and shoot lizards," said Helen. "If possible, she'll give cover fire to Selvi." Two heads of hair, one blonde and straight, the other black and curly, huddled together to hash out tactics.

  Katelyn and Claire were whispering as well. "Um, Cassie will ride around with Bianca on her broom and hold her action until someone's hurt." Beside Claire, Katelyn nodded and tapped a bomb marker.

  "Looks like we're all set, then. Time to roll 'em, ladies..."

  As she ran straight at the vile lizards, their harsh hiss rasping through her ears, Isabel knew only excitement. The Great Evil was a frequent fixture of temple lore, a scaled monstrosity which only birthed more monstrosity, and all her life she'd admired the icons of saintly warriors poised to strike down serpents, hulks, and even mighty drakes. One day, she knew, her name and face would be added to their number. Now seemed as good a time as any to begin the legend.

  Which did not mean she would be completely reckless. Isabel knew something of the beasts infesting the edges of civilized lands, and recognized these from the tales of veteran warriors. While her right hand drew her shining blade, her left was pressed to her forehead, to the stone in her headband. Quickly she intoned a short prayer to the sun: "O Lustrous Light Above! Grant me the strength to withstand the power of these foul beasts!"

  There was a faint crackling, followed by a tingling sensation which washed across her hand and on through the rest of her body. With a shout of glee, she raised her sword to the heavens.

  Unfortunately, that was when the heavens opened up to send their reply.

  Something, some primal orcish instinct told Selvi to hang back once the paladin began her charge. Let the new girl be flashy and loud; it would only serve to take the attention off of the rest of them.

  But then things got very flashy, and much louder.

  With a roaring crash, a line of searing yellow snaked down from the heavens, led on by the flowing lights of the lizards' frills. It didn't hit Isabel, more was the pity, but it didn't need to. The rumble of thunder was enough to bowl the barbarian and the paladin over, with Flora barely keeping herself upright. The scaly trio were up on their hind legs now, frills flared open and snouts raised to the sky. When the lightning passed over them, the red veins
in their frills glowed brighter.

  An arrow whistled overhead, a blur that flashed through the air almost as quickly as the lightning had. One lizard hissed and clicked as the shaft suddenly sprouted from its head. A short second later, there was a small -boom- as one of Bianca's miniature explosives joined the half-elf's arrow.

  Selvi struggled to stand, the urge to get into the fray and bust some scaly butts lending strength to her limbs, helped along by a desire not to look bad in front of the snotty paladin. It truly was a fight, in her head and limbs as much as on the field; there were still tingles pulsing all the way to her fingers and toes from the shock of even just a near-miss.

  "Ha!" Not far ahead, Isabel was having no such problems, it seemed. The paladin danced around the injured lizard, hopping nimbly over its tail as it swung past, and delivered a coup de grace that about knocked its head clean off. "It's okay now!" she called out. "They need at least three together to call the thunder. Everything after this should be a cinch!" There was a self-satisfaction in he voice just asking to be punched, apparent even through the ringing of Selvi's ears.

  A hand caressed Selvi's forehead, and the tingling sensation that swamped her every movement faded away. Her ears still buzzed a bit, so she didn't quite catch Princess Cassandrella's murmured incantations. It probably included the words 'Moon's Refreshing Light' or something similar. Though it hurt her pride, she accepted the moon princess's arm to help her stand up, and even muttered her own words of thanks. Cassie beamed like the moon at that.

  She was helping! She was being useful! Princess Cassandrella felt like shouting to the moon, telling the whole world that she, the future high priestess of Selunika, was not just a burden on her friends. Lately it hadn't felt like that, despite all the kind words. Lately it had seemed like she was more in need of rescue than any fairy tale damsel one could name. That feeling of being ensorcelled in the witch's garden, her mind all stuffed with magical, musical fluff while her friends fought desperately on... That feeling she had not been able to leave behind when they'd quit the Lost Woods and its thorny memories. Having her cousin pop in the way she did, all ready to come to Cassie's rescue, had not helped either.